Writing Your Memoir: What To Do When You Hit an Emotional Wall

Every story has its season.

If you’re writing your memoir and suddenly feel stuck, not because you don’t know what to write, but because what you’re about to write is just too hard, I want you to know you’re not doing it wrong.

You’re doing it right.

Hitting an emotional wall while writing your story isn’t a sign of weakness or failure. It’s often a sign that you’re getting close to something real. Something tender. Something that deserves your care.

Memoir writing is not like other writing. It asks you to go back. To remember. To sit with past versions of yourself. To tell the truth, not only about what happened, but also about what it meant. And sometimes, those truths are tangled in pain we thought we’d left behind.

So what do you do when you get there, when the tears start to well, or your body goes tense, or your mind suddenly goes blank? What do you do when the story feels too big, too raw, too much?

You pause. You tend. You write around it.

Here are some gentle practices that can help you move forward without pushing through:

Name What Feels Hard

Start by simply noticing: What exactly is feeling difficult right now?

Is it the memory itself? The feelings it brings up? The fear of how others might respond? The shame that still lingers?

Naming what feels hard gives shape to the fog. It might sound like:

• “I’m afraid I won’t be believed.”

• “This memory brings up grief I haven’t fully processed.”

• “I feel disloyal writing about someone I love.”

• “I don’t know how to put this into words without falling apart.”

You don’t have to solve the feeling. You don’t even have to write it into your manuscript yet. Just acknowledge it. Sometimes simply saying, “This is hard,” is enough to take the pressure off.

Take a Sensory Break

When writing gets emotional, your nervous system can get overwhelmed. Instead of staying frozen in front of the page, try stepping away, not out of avoidance, but out of care.

Engage your senses to ground yourself:

• Go for a walk. Let the rhythm of your steps reset your breath.

• Light a candle or diffuse a calming scent.

• Listen to music that soothes or uplifts you.

• Drink water. Feel it move through your body.

• Touch something soft, warm, or textured, like a blanket, a sweater, or a stone.

You don’t have to power through every hard moment. Sometimes, the most productive thing you can do for your writing is to regulate your body first.

Write Around the Memory

If the moment you’re trying to write is too painful to enter directly, try approaching it from the side.

Write about what came before the memory. Describe where you were, who you were with, what you knew, or didn’t know, at the time.

Or write about what came after. How did that moment change you? What new understanding did it bring? What did healing start to look like?

By writing around the edges, you begin to build the context, the scaffolding. And sometimes, in that process, you’ll find the strength to write the center.

Use Third-Person Narration

Here’s a trick I use in my writing practice: when a memory is too close, I write it in the third person. It gives you just enough distance to hold the story in your hands without crumbling under it.

Third-person narration doesn’t make the memory less true. It simply gives you a bit of breathing room, a way to stay in the story without being swallowed by it. You can always revise later and return to the first person when you’re ready.

Remember: Every Story Has Its Season

There is no deadline on your healing. No rule that says every chapter must be written today, or at all.

Sometimes we aren’t ready to tell a part of our story, and that’s okay.

If a memory is still too raw, it might mean your story is still unfolding. Let it. Give it space to ripen. Not every seed sprouts on your timeline.

In the meantime, write what is ready to be written. There’s always more story to explore…the joy, the tenderness, the in-between moments that shaped you. Let those come to the page while the harder stories rest a little longer.

You are not broken because you need a break.
You are not weak for needing gentleness.
You are not behind.

You are exactly where you need to be in your writing journey.

Writing a memoir is not about ripping off bandages or reliving trauma. It’s about reclaiming your voice, making meaning and finding the thread that holds it all together.

So when you hit that emotional wall, don’t push harder. Push softer.

Take a breath. Tend to your heart. Write a little at a time.

Your story will wait for you.
And when you’re ready, it will meet you with open arms.

Looking for support?
If you’ve hit a wall in your memoir and want help navigating your next step, book a Clarity Session with me. You’ll get a 90-minute personalized Zoom call, my Memoir Story Arc template, and compassionate guidance to help you move forward with confidence.

Your story matters. Let’s find your way through together.

With warmth,

Sharla